hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i dont even know how to be here
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
