Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
