that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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