Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
