I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
