The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
