OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
