Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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