I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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