i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come share oat with me in your robe
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
