why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize