i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i think i just lost a toe
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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