She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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