i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
