All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
