You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
