i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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