i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize