oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
