I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The air was thick with penises
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
