i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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