his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
