And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
