I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
