You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
