You smell like a Billy Joel song
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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