Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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