K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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