it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
