so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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