I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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