dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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