Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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