so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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