it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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