I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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