Need sex. Gaining weight.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
