I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
