Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
