I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
