Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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