I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
