OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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