i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
