i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
