I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My dick has a subreddit
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
