my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
