good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
