I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
