I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
