Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
