Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
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Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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