Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
