Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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