i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
