So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
