I look better un-naked...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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