Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
