the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
