I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
