Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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