sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
