I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
