Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
