is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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