3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
