You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There r osticjed everywhere
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
