so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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