Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
