i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
