i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have surprise drugs for everyone
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
