When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
