ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
