you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
