How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
