I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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