Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
