Where did you get a picture of my penis
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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