There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
