i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
